What Is The Double Empathy Problem?

A long-held misconception was people with autism lack empathy, a conclusion drawn from neurotypical perspectives when autistic individuals fail to meet their social expectations. People with autism do feel empathy, the ability to understand and feel the emotions of others. 

Their expressions of empathy, however, may be something neurotypical people struggle to understand. And vice versa, the ways neurotypical people express empathy may not be understood by autistic and neurodiverse people.

It's estimated around 15-20% of the world's population exhibit some form of neurodiversity. Neurotypical folks make up the majority, with this way of interacting in the world has set social norms. Suppose people are used to receiving certain words of affirmation or types of body language when communicating with another person, especially in terms of sharing feelings. Interactions can lead to a misunderstanding if you are used to feeling validated or communicated with in a certain way.

For example, in social situations for a neurotypical interacting with an individual not responding verbally, they may assume the person isn’t interested when that isn’t the case. 

On the flip side, someone with autism may have trouble interpreting unsaid social cues or "reading between the lines" when communicating with someone neurotypical. If their words don't mean what they are implying, someone neurodiverse could find this confusing.  

The double empathy problem was coined in 2012 by British autism researcher Damian Milton to describe challenges occurring when neurotypical and autistic individuals communicate and relate to each other. Previous commentary on autism and empathy had put the onus on the neurodiverse population to adapt to neurotypical ways of communicating and socialising. The double empathy problem highlights the difficulties in communication are mutual and arise from differences in ways of thinking, understanding and experiences.

‘This results in autism being primarily framed in terms of a social communication disorder, rather than interaction between autistic and non-autistic people as a primarily mutual and interpersonal issue.’

(Milton, Gurbuz, and López, 2022) 

For example, if someone is upset... a common neurotypical response might be to actively listen, discuss the topic and offer advice. Asking questions, nodding, focusing on strengths, giving their perspective, offering a hug. Whilst the person may not be able to solve the issue with a discussion or a comforting embrace, they have shown empathy by listening, creating space and showing they are listening by interpreting the issue in their perspective back to the person.

A neurodiverse perspective may show empathy by actively listening and giving an honest, unsugarcoated take on the issue, or offer a ‘shared experience’, a time where they experienced a similar event or emotion. Or they may be more practical, providing resources or acts of service. Showing up for them, spending quality time, trying to cheer them up or helping with a task. Knowing their words won’t solve the issue, they have created space for the person and tried to alleviate stress by doing something helpful or kind. 

Both expressions of empathy are valid, but a lack of understanding between two parties on how the other thinks and communicates may lead to exhaustion or not feeling seen. Hence why the term is coined “double” empathy problem, because both autistic and non-autistic people can struggle to understand each other - there is no right way to communicate - and both can work towards understanding each other. 

Ruby Wheeler